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JOHN HARTSON - RULES ARE RULES, SO GET ON WITH IT, RANGERS
By Mal Content
As Timdom is aware, ‘Walter' (as the Laptop Loyal sycophantically call the Huns manager) yesterday morphed from being the ‘loveable and revered grandad of Scottish football' into a homicidal, psychotic geriatric (His true face? – Ed).
At Friday's pre-Celtic versus Huns press conference, the Loyal Cardigan swapped bowler hat, Sash and slippers for bowler hat, Sash and soapbox to criticise the SPL for not doing more to help the Huns win the UEFA Cup, the League, the Scottish Cup, the World Snooker Championship, the US Presidential election, BBC TV's ‘I'd Do Anything' (including cheating) and general world domination.
The homicidal Victor Meldrew also condemned Celtic Chief Executive Peter Lawwell for, eh, looking after Celtic's interests instead of bending over backwards for the Huns and allowing them to rewrite the rulebook in the Huns' favour.
As Timdom knows, the SPL have agreed to a League extension IF the Huns progress beyond Fiorentina and reach the UEFA Cup Final. But this official sanctioning of cheating (which rewriting the rules for one team's benefit most certainly is) is not enough for the dignified Walter, who wants even more assistance.
Perhaps the Huns being allowed to field 15 men and Cheats FC's opponents only being allowed to field 7, with a 3-0 score-line gifted to the Huns before kick-off just to be on the safe side, eh Walter?
No doubt, the Sharp Suited Man today chuckled over his Rice Krispies on reading Walter's rant, while Big Bad John Hartson has today responded to Cheats FC's manager via his column in the Scottish Hun.
Celtic Legend John Hartson, a veteran of Celtic's UEFA Cup run to the Final in Seville in May 2003, recalled the assistance Celtic received from the SPL that season. Namely, NONE.
That season, Celtic were forced to play the Huns at Ipox less than 48 hours after playing the UEFA Cup semi-final against Boavista in Portugal after the Huns and the SPL colluded to insist the derby went ahead. We won 2-1.
Celtic did manage to rearrange a League fixture against Dundee prior to the UEFA Cup Final, but only after then-Dundee manager Jim Duffy agreed to bring the match forward to assist Celtic's preparations for Seville when the SPL initially declined the rearrangement.
And of course, four days after the Hoops' heroic failure in the UEFA Cup Final in Seville, Celtic played the League decider at Kilmarnock, winning 4-0 at Rugby Park but losing out by one goal to the Huns, who became Champions after Dunfermline's infamous ‘lying down' at Ipox.
John Hartson retells the tale:
“We came back from Seville shattered. Physically exhausted and mentally drained. Hardly an ounce of energy left in our bodies or minds. We just wanted to roll over in bed when we got home, but we didn't. Instead, we rolled up our sleeves. Not quite far enough as it happened.
Just four days after losing to Porto in the UEFA Cup Final we could only beat Kilmarnock by four. Rangers played Dunfermline and won by five, and the title was theirs.
Looking back to those days, I'm convinced that had the SPL extended the League season things could have been different. We could have won the Championship. As it was we didn't stand a chance.
It was a crazy situation, the League we played in refusing to help us out. But it was the way it was and we dealt with it. Now Rangers must do the same.
I've heard the moans, listened to the groans and weighed up all the arguments about why the season should be made longer to help them out. But, I'm sorry, rules are rules. We abided by them, so can they.”
Hunskelper John Hartson added of that final day of the 2003 season: “Had we been given a rest, I reckon we could have scored seven that day. We'll never know.”
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