News
SIR DAVID ANNOUNCES NEW CALENDAR
Keep The Faith understands that after endless hours of research and debate amongst Sir Minty Moonbeams and his most trusted Uber-Lieutenants, the Rangers Chairman can announce a new calendar.
Sir Minty sought advice from Rangers' intelligentsia - Rangers PR executives James ‘Hullo, Hullo' Traynor and Keech ‘Jangle Jangle' Jackson of the Daily Ranger, SFA President George ‘No Surrender' Peat and SFA Chief Executive Gordon ‘Catholics Are The Enemy' Smith and Sir Minty's Pubic Hair Stylist Martin Bain – before coming to his momentous and historic decision.
The Chairman issued the follow-following statement from his oak-panelled office in Charlotte Square:
“In order to help Rangers, the Glasgow Fair Fortnight has been moved to the September weekend, which in turn has been moved to January.
Christmas Day will be March 15th, while New Year's Day will remain the same but will only last 3 hours.
The Summer Solstice will share the same date as Halloween, while May Day is now January 17th.
Mother's Day is moved to Father's Day, which in turn is moved to St Valentine's Day, which is now scheduled for February 29th and will be a score draw for some and score-less for others.
Everyone's birthdays have been cancelled, pregnancies will last 13 months and every day will be the 12th of July.
We hope this clarifies the situation.”
Thanks to the Tims that sent the above to Keep The Faith and thanks also to the originator, whoever you are.
Thanks also to the lyricist and sender of the following little ditty:
“Ohhh.…. Advocaat's a wanker,
He wears a wanker's hat,
But if Zenit beat the Rangers,
We'll forgive the little twat.”
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