News
CELTIC SHORTS – FERNANDO THE COMMANDO, MICHAEL BRADLEY AND ELVIS
By Trialist
Former Hun Fernando Ricksen, now with the Huns' UEFA Cup Final opponents Zenit St Petersburg, has delivered a damning assessment of the Huns' world-infamous Wattienaccio?
Fernando, who is one bottle of Buckfast short of being a moron, opined: “These days Rangers' game is quite boring.”
Fernando the commando added: “But it's only because of a lack of good players. And probably they can't buy any because they haven't got enough money.”
But, according to today's Laptop Loyal, the Huns have got £20million, Fernando. Or is it £25million? Who can say? But you could buy a lot of porn to watch on the plane with that, Fernando.
The deranged Dutchman, who loves to frolic on trampolines, continued: “In the three games I've seen them in this season, they didn't attack at all. Jean-Claude Darcheville was running the whole game without getting the ball. Rangers only made two or three shots on goal.”
Fernando the commando's final firework: “They play typical British football - long balls, high balls, big men at the back. Under Dick Advocaat and Alex McLeish they were trying to put that system aside and play real combination football.”
Fernando the commando joins Lionel Messi, Georgios Samaras, Fiorentina, Andrei Kanchelskis, Sporting Lisbon, Werder Bremen ……..and many, many more on the Fascist-Fascist Banned List.
Meanwhile, SKY Sports has linked Celtic with Heerenveen midfielder Michael Bradley, though the American has also been lined with Manchester United, Everton, Blackburn, Aston Villa, Middlesbrough and Sunderland.
However, with Werder Bremen and Stuttgart also keen, Michael Bradley's agent Kon Schramm has said a switch to the Bundesliga looked the most likely option.
Kon Schramm said: “He will probably make the move to Germany. He likes the clubs, the League and he knows it better. I think he will feel good in Germany.”
Kon Schramm continued: “There is no contact with an English club at this moment, a move to England is possible but we will see. We hope something on his future will develop in the next month or so.”
Kon Schramm added: “He has one-year left on his current contract and a transfer is not something Heerenveen have really talked about.”
Finally, Elvis is about to leave the building.
The 34-year old central defender's Celtic contract expires on the 31st May and he's looking for pastures new.
Steven Pressley, who has been rarely seen in the Hoops this season (thank Gord), said: “Even if Celtic offered me a contract, which they won't do, I don't think it would be right for me as I want to keep playing. I have a great relationship with Gordon and I speak with him all the time. I respect him a great deal and can honestly say the Club have treated me exceptionally well.”
Steven Pressley continued: “I haven't played as much football as I'd have liked but I've certainly enjoyed my time at Celtic. My contract expires on May 31st and I fully intend to continue playing. If I didn't think I could, I certainly wouldn't go on. But I genuinely feel good and think I can keep playing to a high standard.”
Steven Pressley explained: “I'd consider player-coaching but I wouldn't consider a player management position at this stage. My main priority is to keep playing and, if truth be told, I quite fancy trying something a little bit different in my career. I'm just short of 35 now and I've played the vast majority of my career here in Scotland.”
Steven Pressley added: “If the opportunity arose where I could try abroad or down south I would consider it. Although that's not to say I wouldn't stay in Scotland. I've had no game time in the last few months and that was a clear indication that I would have to move on.”
Steven Pressley's age and limitations were exposed during last year's Scottish Cup Final against Dunfermline, which Celtic won 1-0 thanks to Jean-Joel Perrier-Doumbe's late goal that completed the League and Cup Double.
However, the Pars' veteran striker Jim McIntyre gave Steven Pressley a torrid time, after which the graffiti was on the wall.
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