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WIN A UEFA CUP FINAL TICKET

Tickets for Wednesday night's UEFA Cup Final, the Huns versus Zenit St Petersburg at the City Of Manchester Stadium, are more sought after by the Huns than a virgin goat in Kilwinning and rarer than religious tolerance and cultural understanding from the Rangers Supporters Trust.

However, Keep The Faith has one UEFA Cup Final ticket available for the winner of our competition.

To win this ticket all you need do is answer correctly the follow-following questions, send your answers to Keep The Faith along with the entry fee of £10,000 (genuine money and none of your fakes, ya manky monkeys, ye).

Then wait for us to bank the cash in an offshore account in the Cayman Islands and while we move to a beach-front villa somewhere in the Caribbean, and then we will post your tickets by a carrier pigeon (called Walter).

The questions are:

1) UEFA found Rangers fans guilty of which offenceA) sectarianism B) molesting goats or C) rampaging through Europe like the Wehrmacht?

2) An Orc going to Manchester is on A) a benderB) a raid orC) day release?

3) Barcelona City Officials described Rangers fans as A) “Barcelona's worst ever experience in football” B) “drunken hooligans that urinated all over the city” C) “a disgrace” or D) all of the above?

4) How many Huns does it take to change a light bulb? A) 1690 B) Two – one to swipe the light bulb and the second to steal the getaway car or C) none – the Prison Guards do it for them?

5) A Hun's most treasured possession is A) his Huns top – unwashed since 1972 B) his collection of ASBOs or C) his DVD of ‘The Stumble To Manchester'?

6) The world-infamous Wattienaccio has been described as A) “Anti-football” (Lionel Messi) B) “Primitive” (Andrei Kanchelskis) C) “Bad for football” (Louis Van Gaal) or D) all of the above.

7) Barry Fergushun has completed his UEFA Cup suspension, but how many times has Bazza been yellow carded in Scottish football this season? A) 0 B) Hunbelievably 0 or C) Fecking Hunbelievably 0?

8) An estimated 100,000 Huns are about to invade Manchester, which is about to be A) wrecked B) raped and pillaged C) raised to the ground D) waist-deep in pish or E) all of the above?

And finally, the tie-breaker: The Reverend Mike McCurry, affectionately nicknamed the Vicar Of Dobley, can be regularly seen doing his bit for Queen and Country on the pitch giving “ludicrous decisions” favouring TFOD?

Mike McCurry is A) a cheat B) a coward C) a cert for a Knighthood D) the SFA's blue-eyed billy boy E) has a future as an after-dinner speaker at Huns functions or F) has a future as an SFA referees' supervisor?

Competition closes on February 29th and is open only to Huns called Billy ‘Perma-raging' McBilly of 1690, The Queen's Highway, Mordor.

The Editor's decision is final and is prejudiced against Huns.

TYMO WAS ALMOST A TIM

By Trialist

Zenit St Petersburg captain Anatoliy Tymoschuk has revealed he almost became a Celtic player three years ago.

The Ukrainian international midfielder was pursued by Celtic when he was playing for Shakhtar Donetsk, with Celtic's Chief Executive Peter Lawwell journeying to the Ukraine to discuss Anatoliy Tymoschuk's transfer to Celtic with Shakhtar Donetsk officials.

However, the transfer deal broke down because of Shakhtar Donetsk's excessive transfer demands and Anatoliy Tymoschuk was subsequently transferred to Zenit St Petersburg for 15 million euros.

29-year old Anatoliy Tymoschuk said: “There was contact with some representatives of Celtic and we had talks with them in the Ukraine. They came to see me, but in the end I don't think there was agreement between the clubs.”

Anatoliy Tymoschuk continued: “It did not reach the stage of agreeing personal terms. They had to agree with Shakhtar and that didn't happen. But if there had been agreement between the clubs, then I would've been ready to discuss the terms of my contract.”

Anatoliy Tymoschuk added: “Now a long time has passed, but maybe there will be many Celtic fans wanting me to be a winner against Rangers because I know there is a very big rivalry between them.”

Tymo, just hump them. Hump the Huns.

THIS DAY IN CELTIC HISTORY – MAY 13TH

1916 Celtic finish off an excellent season by winning the Glasgow Charity Cup. 25,000 are at Hampden to see them defeat Partick Thistle 2-0 with goals from Patsy Gallacher and Sunny Jim Young. Celtic have won all three trophies they entered this season, but the circumstances of wartime will mean that this achievement will be much diminished in the eyes of future historians.

1944 Celtic appal their 15,000 loyal supporters by going down 1-4 to Clyde at Parkhead in the Glasgow Charity Cup. Celtic are already 4-0 down when Jimmy Delaney gets a consolation goal with a penalty kick. In the meantime, the gathering of troops, nurses and military equipment in the south of England would indicate that the invasion of Europe is not faraway.

1963 Celtic's form is bizarre and inconsistent in the run-up to the Scottish Cup Final Replay against Rangers. Two days ago they lost 0-3 to Dundee United, but tonight they defeat Motherwell 6-0 at Parkhead with Steve Chalmers scoring a hat-trick. Bobby Craig and John Divers score one goal each and Motherwell concede an own goal. There is enough to give the paltry crowd of 8,000 something to be slightly optimistic about for Wednesday night's big game.

1989 Celtic finish off a miserable League season with a 1-0 win over St.Mirren at Love Street. Joe Miller scores the only goal before a 13,057 crowd. Next week is the Scottish Cup Final against Rangers, and this is clearly dominating everyone's thoughts, for Rangers seem poised to win a "treble".

1995 10,993 are at Tannadice Park to see Phil O'Donnell score the only goal of a meaningless (for Celtic) League game against Dundee United. But alarmingly, with the Scottish Cup Final only two weeks away, Peter Grant is taken off injured and looks as if he is doubtful for the big date against Airdrie. There is also a genuine sadness that Dundee United, a team who have contributed do much to Scottish football over the past 20 years, are now relegated to Division One - and only a year after they won the Scottish Cup.

1978 Scotland's build-up to the Argentina World Cup begins badly with a 1-1 draw at Hampden against Northern Ireland in the British Championship. Northern Ireland's goal is scored by a Notts Forest player called Martin O'Neill. John Robertson of Notts Forest is playing for Scotland, but Scotland's goal comes from Derek Johnstone of Rangers. There is not a Celtic player in the Scottish team, but that is hardly surprising, for Celtic have had an awful season after their disastrous decision to sell Kenny Dalglish to Liverpool last August.

JOHN HARTSON'S SCOTTISH HUN COLUMN

By Trialist

In his short time as a columnist and pundit, John Hartson has developed a commendable reputation for being brutally honest. One of the very few pundits and columnists who is not working to the Chairman's agenda, it's just a crying shame that John Hartson writes for the Scottish Hun.

Still, Big Bad John has to earn a crust.

Unfortunately, John Hartson's Scottish Hun opinion column is not available on-line, nevertheless, here it is.

John Hartson writes:

“His decisions meant Dundee United lost the match, but if Mike McCurry isn't careful he'll lose a lot more than that. His credibility.

That's what he's in danger of throwing away after his performance at Ibrox on Saturday afternoon.

Two of the worst decisions you're ever likely to see in the game, that's what we're talking about here. Truly unbelievable incidents which I still can't get my head round.

Incidents which had a huge bearing on whether Dundee United got anything from the match in their bid to win a place in Europe. And obviously incidents which could have an even bigger bearing on who wins the SPL title this season.

He's not a bad ref, McCurry, let me say that right from the off. I always found him to be one of the better ones. Nice guy too, a proper gentleman and someone I really liked as a man. I've been on a few flights up and down to England with him, shared a cup of tea.

Any criticism I have of him doesn't stem from anything that happened in the past. I just wouldn't do that. But, I have to call it as I see it and I sat in the Setanta studio at Ibrox watching the game and quite honestly I couldn't believe my eyes.

To get one decision wrong is bad enough but to get two – when they're so blatant – beggars belief.

The first one was shocking – a penalty decision so clear cut it was untrue. Spot kick to United and red card for Davie Weir was the only decision which had to be made.

Then we also had the goal which was disallowed. Honestly, how the referee and linesman contrived to chalk that one off I'll never know. All either of them had to do was look at big Weir. He held his head in his hands because the ball deflected off him and flew into the back of the net. Big Davie knew it was a goal and then the officials got him off the hook.

The United players were amazing in the second half of the game and fought their way back into it magnificently. They didn't deserve what happened to them. That's why I urge McCurry to come out publicly now and admit he got it so badly wrong.

That's what you do as players. If you lost your man at a set piece or missed a handful of chances you hold your hands up and admit you made a mistake. You show bravery. That's the one thing McCurry didn't have any of at Ibrox – so now's the time to prove it is there.

He must have gone home and analysed his performance, dissected the decisions he made and realised he made a rickets of it.

In fact, scrub that, I reckon he'd have been running around that pitch for the last 20 minutes knowing full well he'd blundered like never before. He wouldn't have needed any TV replays to know that.

I feel sorry for him in a way because I wouldn't swap places with him for the world, no thanks. It's one hellish job being a ref but it's his choice to put himself in the firing line.

What he must ask himself now is whether he's still able to cut it at the highest level. Is he still capable?

That's what I'd have wondered if I'd walked off the park after 50,000 people thanked me for being murder.

I'm not saying that he cheated or that he deliberately set out to make sure Rangers won the match no matter what happened. Those are the worst sort of accusations. You don't need that in the highly-charged world of Scottish football and they don't do anyone any good.

What I do think is that he made decisions which were so obviously wrong he must look at himself.

I slated him when I analysed the game in front of the cameras, really had a blast. Yet I woke up on Sunday morning without a shred of guilt about that. If I had turned in that sort of performance as a player I would have expected pelters.

I decided when I started out in my new life with Sunsport and Setanta to be the way I was in the dressing room. Brutally honest. The punters know when you're watering it down and spinning a line. That's not me.

Both when I'm on screen and here in my column I'm saying what I reckon 100 per cent of the people watching and reading this at home were thinking too. I don't have a problem with that as I know I can look myself in the mirror.

Had I said things which turned out to be wrong I'd have then said so and apologised. I've done that in this column in the last few weeks.

I implore McCurry to do the same. Hold your hands up, Mike.

You've worked so hard to earn your credibility in the game – it would be such a shame to throw it all away now over this.”

End

Since John Hartson expressed his opinions, McCurry has admitted he blundered, though the rank-rotten referee has effectively blamed his linesman, Stuart MacAulay.

How very brave of the Reverend.

McCurry's blunders have potentially cost Dundee United millions of quid from UEFA Cup participation.

McCurry's blunders might cost Celtic £10million – the guaranteed bounty from Champions League participation for the SPL Champions.

THE ESTABLISHMENT COVER UP BEGINS

By Trialist

The SFA, Scottish Football's establishment, has, as expected, begun its cover up over the shameful events at Ipox on Saturday when referee Mike McCurry's incompetent decision-making robbed Dundee United of a result against the Huns, thereby eliminating the Arabs from UEFA Cup qualification.

Mike McCurry's incompetent decision-making also has serious implications for the Championship race between Celtic and the Huns, as the referee-assisted win for TFOD means that Celtic are not in control of our own League destiny, as we would have been had the Huns dropped points on Saturday against United.

McCurry attempted to explain why he denied Dundee United a stonewall penalty kick when David Weir felled Noel Hunt, who was through on goal. McCurry used the Arsene Wenger excuse – he didn't see the incident.

McCurry's lamentable explanation: “In the 55th minute of the match Rangers were in possession of the ball and attempted to clear it from their defensive area. As is normal practice, I started to run towards the half way line, anticipating the ball being cleared from defence. The clearance, however, was not successful and the ball struck Noel Hunt of Dundee United, who then played a very quick ‘one-two' allowing him to chase the ball into the penalty area closely followed by David Weir of Rangers.”

McCurry continued to plead innocence: “At this point, given the very quick change of the direction of play, I was caught out of position and my line of sight was partially obstructed by another player. I saw Noel Hunt fall to the ground with David Weir in close proximity behind him. As my vantage point was extremely poor it was not possible for me to say what or, if any, infringement had occurred.”

McCurry defended the indefensible: “Given this significant doubt in my mind it would have been improper for me to simply conclude that an infringement had occurred on the opposite side of the field of play from me. On this basis, I had no option but to allow play to continue amidst the appeal for a penalty kick.”

McCurry admitted he made an arse of it: “I have now had the benefit of seeing the incident again on television. I believe that were it not for the fact that I had been caught out of position by the quick transfer of play I would have awarded Dundee United a penalty and would have cautioned the Rangers player David Weir. In my opinion there was another defender in close proximity with the possible opportunity to make a defensive challenge on the attacker.”

Strangely enough, McCurry does NOT explain why his Main Stand-side linesman, Stuart MacAulay, did not draw attention to the patently obvious foul by David Weir on Noel Hunt and instead kept his flag down.

The rank-rotten referee, whose litany of pro-Rangers bias has been widely documented in Celtic Cyberspace, then attempted to explain the disallowing of Danny Swanson's perfectly legitimate goal for Dundee United. And this time, McCurry effectively blamed linesman Stuart MacAulay.

McCurry's pathetic justification began: “In the 71st minute Dundee United were in possession of the ball and Danny Swanson shot towards the Rangers goal from approximately 30-35 yards. The ball appeared to me to be deflected off a Rangers player and entered the goal. As I turned to award a goal to Dundee United it was brought to my attention that the stand side Assistant Referee had his flag raised signalling that an offside infringement had occurred. I also noticed that a Dundee United player required medical treatment.”

McCurry deployed ‘it's the other guy's fault' defence: “Having made sure that the player received the required treatment, I then went across to the Assistant Referee and confirmed that he was signalling for an offside infringement. He confirmed this was the case and informed me that a Dundee United player had been in an offside position and that he had played the ball prior to it entering the goal.”

McCurry refused to take the rap: “I informed the Assistant Referee that it appeared to me that the ball was deflected off a Rangers player. The Assistant Referee told me that he had not seen it touch a Rangers player but had definitely seen it played by the Dundee United player, David Robertson. Given that David Robertson was behind the Rangers player, my view was such that I could not tell if the ball had been played by Mr Robertson last before entering the goal. Consequently, I decided to accept the advice of my Assistant Referee.”

McCurry confessed he made an arse of it: “Again, having had the opportunity to review the incident on television, it is clear to me that the ball is not played by the Dundee United player Robertson who was, however, technically in an offside position and was in close proximity to the ball. I can understand the difficulty faced by my Assistant Referee in this incident and why, David Robertson may have been considered offside.”

McCurry grovelled: “Again, with the benefit of seeing the incident again numerous times on television, I consider it would have been more appropriate to conclude that the player, David Robertson, was not involved in active play and would have allowed the goal to stand.”

What hypocrisy! What a feeble explanation! What inconsistency! McCurry does not consult his Assistant Referee about the penalty incident, but does consult him about the disallowed goal? And why no explanation of McCurry punishing Daniel Cousin's head-butt on Lee Wilkie with merely a yellow card? Did you not see that either, McCurry?

To continue the SFA's cover up of yet another shameful episode in Scottish football, SFA chief executive Gordon Smith lends his tuppence worth, though it should be said that this Rangers-minded official can be trusted as much as McCurry. Smith has recently been exposed as working for Rangers' benefit but for the detriment of other clubs, including Celtic and Queen Of The South.

Gordon Smith's statement in support of McCurry reads like an edict from the Rangers Supporters Trust. In fact, Smith is as discredited as this disgraced organisation.

And Smith doesn't score: “Everyone at the Scottish FA is hugely disappointed in the accusations that have been levelled at one of our match officials following the match at Ibrox on Saturday. To impinge on a man's integrity in this way is extremely unfair and does nothing to encourage more people to take up refereeing.”

Smith provided character witness: “Michael McCurry has been a top class referee for a number of years and has handled many a high profile, high pressure game. He has shown his own strength of character by being willing to be up front with his explanation of why he made these crucial decisions during the game. To suggest that there was any kind of agenda behind the decisions made on the day does a massive disservice to the game and, quite frankly, is completely unfair.”

Smith insisted all is well, no dishonesty, move along now please: “Football is a game played by people and people can make mistakes. It is always frustrating when decisions go against you - but this has been a part of football since the game started. We rely on our referees to make decisions in a split second and without the benefit of countless replays. I think that it is extremely sad that an honest, dedicated professional has been treated in this way.”

On Saturday, Craig Levein called for foreign referees to officiate in Scottish football.

I ask you, would any Celtic fan object to foreign referees officiating ALL Celtic's domestic fixtures? No!

Would the Huns object to the same initiative? Yes!

QED.

CELTIC SHORTS – FROM McCURRY TO MANCHESTER

By Trialist

Just another quiet, non-controversial and routine weekend in the SPL, where nothing much happened…….except….

The Huns' Mike McCurry-assisted win at Ipox against Dundee United, as the woeful whistler, who has been branded a bottler, incompetent and by some a cheat, denied the Arabs a stonewall penalty kick, failed to red card David Weir for denying Noel Hunt's goal-scoring opportunity, failed to punish Kirk Broadfoot for punching Noel Hunt, in collaboration with linesman Stuart MacAulay disallowed a perfectly legitimate Dundee United goal, only punished Daniel Cousin with a yellow card for head-butting Lee Wilkie……

Aye, nothing much happened.

Needless to say, THE best quotes of the weekend came from the justifiably furious Craig Levein, who was asked if he could take any positives out of being robbed of the result at Ipox that would have maintained United's aspirations for UEFA Cup qualification.

The Dundee United manager responded: “Yes, McCurry won't referee another one of our games this season.”

What are the odds that Brother McCurry is named the whistler for all three of the Huns' remaining fixtures, though?

Meanwhile, United striker Noel Hunt, who was the victim on Saturday of racial abuse by the Huns (though the ever-so-impartial Scottish media will insist the abuse is because of the Irishman's provocative hairstyle), commented: “We can't beat 12 men. Your head goes down when you get perfectly good goals chopped off. It's like cheating.”

Even Dundee United's celebrity fan, TV presenter Lorraine Kelly, vented her spleen at McCurry.

Lorraine Kelly said: “I am absolutely scunnered. In fact, I've actually gone from being absolutely scunnered and angry to being weary of it. We were robbed.”

Asked if she would be willing to get McCurry on the sofa for her daytime telly programme, Lorraine Kelly responded: “What as, a pinata? I could thump him.”

Talksport Radio pundits Alan Brazil and Lou Macari also had their tuppence worth about the Huns' referee-assisted win.

Brazil: “Shameful.”

Macari: “Only in Scotland.”

Meanwhile, I hope that for once the Daily Rectum is accurate:

“Dundee United plan to sue referee over Rangers match blunders

By Neil Cameron

Dundee United will seek to take legal action against referee Mike McCurry and the SFA following Saturday's controversial match against Rangers.

Record Sport can reveal Tannadice chairman Eddie Thompson met other club representatives yesterday to discuss McCurry's performance at Ibrox when he made a string of wrong decisions that went against United in the 3-1 win for Walter Smith's side.

Thompson is now looking to see if he can take any legal recourse against the official and his bosses at the SFA, although it is unclear what path he could go down in his attempt to get justice for his team.

Record Sport also understands that several people at Dundee United, including manager Craig Levein, have seen television pictures which appear to show McCurry saying to Rangers' Nacho Novo, “Good goal, Nacho” midway through the first half after the Spaniard had put his side 2-0 up.”

Doubt the Scottish Judiciary will do anything but support the establishment club.

Meanwhile, Louis Van Gaal becomes the latest to condemn the Huns' world infamous Wattienaccio ahead of Wednesday's UEFA Cup Final, Nytol FC versus Zenit St Petersburg.

The AZ Alkmaar manager said: “I am a coach who loves attacking football and I think Glasgow Rangers are bad for football.”

Louis Van Gaal continued: “When we all play defensive football then you do not see a football match. You see something boring. Rangers are less creative than the Russian players. I think Zenit are favourites, they have to be. But they are the attacking team and it's always difficult to play against a defensive team.”

Louis Van Gaal added: “The danger is that even defensive teams like Rangers will create chances and if they score then it is going to be very difficult for Zenit. I understand why Rangers play as they do. When you are not so good and playing superior opponents you have to come up with the tactics required to win the game.”

The UEFA Cup Final (the Friendly Final, because it involves racists and bigots) is of course being played at Manchester City's City Of Manchester Stadium.

And how we hope and pray that what happened to Sven Goran Eriksson's team at Middlesbrough on Sunday happens to the Huns on Wednesday night – an 8-1 humiliation, though we are not sure about the ‘1'.

Big Feckless' Birmingham City relegated. Is that the punishment for traitorously abandoning your country? Hopefully the Loyal Cardigan will receive a similar punishment for a similar offence…..if there is any justice.

More justice in the EPL, as Manchester United, who play the best attacking football, score the most goals and concede the fewest goals, are rewarded with the title of Champions – their 17th winning of England's top division, with ten of those wins under the stewardship of Sir Alex Furious.

Sir Alex might be a Hun (no, he is a Hun – Ed), but there's no doubt he's one helluva manager.

The Danish conundrum Thomas Gravesen is en route back to Paradise after being released following his season-long loan spell at Everton.

Everton manager Davie Moyes confirmed: “Thomas Gravesen will also depart following the completion of his season-long loan. He deserves thanks for both his spells here and we wish him well for the future.”

Where will that future be?

Finally, just received this text:

“BREAKING NEWS!

Crisis in Scotland ……….Sperm banks to run dry by midweek

All the wankers are in Manchester.”

Wonder if the Vicar of Dobley has his ticket?

WHAT'S THE POINT?

By Redbiddy

“What's the point?” Craig Levein said to Mike McCurry on Saturday afternoon. The Dundee United manager kind of sums it all up, doesn't he?

Like most other Celtic supporters, I have questioned the integrity and honesty of Scottish referees and linesmen, but there has always been a nagging doubt that maybe they are just inept rather than biased. That doubt was put to bed on Saturday afternoon having watched McCurry's decisions ensuring that the Huns took all three points against Dundee United.

McCurry's Main Stand-side assistant was apparently in cahoots, failing to give a blatant penalty and then raising an offside flag when no offside offence had occurred thus ruling out a penalty, a sending off for Weir and a goal for Dundee United.

Inept, cowards or cheats? You can guess my opinion.

The last number of weeks has seen a number of contentious decisions going Celtic's way. A corner, from which Georgios Samaras scored the match-winning goal, that should never have been against Motherwell but was almost impossible to call without TV replays. Scott McDonald's offside goal against the Huns that again needed video replays to determine, but even at that a case can be made for “benefit of the doubt” to the striker, which is written in to the offside laws now. A ‘goal' for Aberdeen ruled out in our 1-0 win, except it wasn't a goal because the referee's whistle had been blown long before the ball hit the back of the net having passed through a Celtic defence already on their way up the field to take their positions for the free kick.

These were marginal decisions. Could you really equate them to what happened at Ibrox on Saturday? What happened there was shameful. Pure and simple.

So, it's an O** F*** thing then? The O** F*** always get the decisions, don't they? Well, no, either Celtic get them or Rangers get them. I have never seen the O** F*** awarded a penalty where Barry Robson and Barry Bawbag Fergushun wrestle with each other over who will take it. It's a lie, a fabrication to hide the reality of pro-Rangers bias. Just as it is a lie to suggest that the League extension (which has happened despite what the Huns and their apologists are trying to tell us) is for the good of Scottish football or that it is for the good of Rangers in Europe. It is not. It is to benefit both the Huns' European ambitions and the Huns' title aspirations. To make five other clubs change their schedules to allow their opponents more time to prepare is nothing short of handing them an advantage. Some people have called it cheating.

The funny thing is, I cannot remember too many poor decisions going against Celtic in European games, nor can I recall too many referees blatantly favouring Rangers on the same stage. For example, Cousin got sent off for head-butting an opponent in Europe. He got a yellow card for the same offence against Dundee United. Go figure. Captain Marvel (at how he is largely anonymous in most games) never gets booked in Scotland yet manages to get suspended in Europe. Is there something we should be told?

I have argued that Celtic should not leave the Scottish League, that we should do our best to raise standards in Scotland and work within our natural base. My opinion has changed. It is time for Celtic to unilaterally walk away from the corrupt and tainted Scottish set up. They are clinging to the last vestige of respectability and the fig leaf that the O** F*** gives them. Time we removed it. Time we left them behind.

Redbiddy

THIS DAY IN CELTIC HISTORY – MAY 12TH

1891 Celtic finish off their first ever League programme by beating Abercorn of Paisley 2-0 at Old Celtic Park. The goals are scored by Sandy McMahon and Jimmy McGhee. 3,000 fans are there. Celtic are third in the Scottish League which is won jointly by Rangers and Dumbarton.

1894 Celtic win the Glasgow Charity Cup in front of 12,000 fans at Ibrox by beating Queen's Park 2-1. Joe Cassidy I and Jimmy Blessington score the goals in a tight encounter. Celtic have now won two competitions this year, the Scottish League being the other.

1914 Celtic round off an excellent season with their third trophy to add to the Scottish League and Cup double. They beat Third Lanark 6-0 at Hampden Park in the Glasgow Cup Final with two goals from Jimmy McMenemy, and one each from Joe Dodds, Jimmy McColl, Johnny McMaster and Peter Johnstone. Very soon they are off to tour Europe, in particular Austria and Germany, ignoring all these rumours about "international tension".

1916 In Kilmainham Gaol, Dublin, the final bunch of executions is carried out after the Easter Rising. Early in the morning, James Connolly, the Scotsman from Edinburgh, is brought in from Dublin Castle Miltary Hospital, and because he is unable to stand up, he is given a chair in which to sit in order to be shot! This act of barbarism will never be forgiven.

1971 Celtic win the Scottish Cup for the 21st time as they beat Rangers in a Replay at Hampden Park before 103,332 on a beautiful spring evening. The victory is more comfortable than the 2-1 scoreline would suggest. Lou Macari scores in the first half, then Harry Hood notches a penalty. Rangers goal is an own goal off Jim Craig.

1990 Celtic are desperately unlucky to lose the Scottish Cup Final to Aberdeen in a penalty shoot-out. No goals are scored in 120 minutes, then Aberdeen win 9-8 on penalties. Even Aberdeen supporters admit that this is a dreadful way to win the Scottish Cup and the feeling in the press is that at least one Replay would not have been a bad idea.Celtic played surprisingly well in this Final after a terrible season in which they finished fifth in the League.

GORDON STRACHAN – A FITTING FAREWELL TO PARADISE

By The Lone Gunman

After Celtic's final game in Paradise for this campaign, Gordon Strachan described Celtic's richly deserved 2-0 victory over Hibs this afternoon as “fitting” as the Hoops secured all three points from what was a thrilling match to ensure the League Championship race continues to the final day of the season.

Stephen McManus' 36th minute headed goal from a Shunsuke Nakamura corner kick was added to by Scott McDonald's 87th minute header from a Barry Robson free-kick, as Celtic moved four points ahead of the Huns, who have three matches remaining compared to our one.

With Celtic guilty of squandering numerous goal-scoring opportunities, Gordon Strachan was nevertheless delighted with Celtic's deserved victory over Hibs, who threatened our goal on several occasions, but were repeatedly denied by the brilliant Artur Boruc, who revelled in ‘The Holy Goalie' song reverberating around Paradise.

Post-match, Gordon Strachan summarised: “It was a terrific game, and it shows that at this time of year you can still play good football.”

Gordon Strachan continued: “Hibs were after the points they needed to get to third (place in the SPL), we were after the points to keep the League going, and so it made for a smashing game.”

Gordon Strachan explained: “I thought we deserved it because we created more chances. Sometimes you're unlucky, as we proved this year that you can make a lot of chances and not be that lucky.”

Gordon Strachan added: “Paul Hartley and Gary Caldwell were the best men on the pitch.”

The Celtic Manager continued his summation of a result that means that, if Celtic win our final match of the campaign against Dundee United at Tannadice, the Huns will need to win all three of their remaining games to surpass our points tally.

Gordon Strachan said: “It was a good game and a fitting finish to the season at Parkhead. It was end to end and at one point it was like basketball. So I think everyone got their money's worth although obviously we are more satisfied than Hibs. But, trust me, it's all about the result.”

Gordon Strachan continued: “I've heard some rubbish since I've come here about people wanting to see stylish football and all the rest of it but everybody wants to watch winning football. We will try and perform at the same time as you've seen against Hibs, but trust me, if we had performed like that and got beaten, there would have been all hell to pay.”

Gordon Strachan added: “We have 11 days to wait before our last game but we just get on with it. I'm just happy that the players have put themselves in a position where the last day is important.”

Gordon Strachan also congratulated his best mate, Mark McGhee, for guiding Motherwell to third place in the SPL and therefore UEFA Cup football next season. Hopefully, McGhee will reciprocate by taking points off the Huns next weekend when TFOD visits Fir Park.

What would be more fitting than Celtic winning the League Championship on the final day of the SPL season and thereby crushing the Huns and their many collaborators, who have resorted to fair means and foul in ‘Operation: Stop Three In A Row'.

LET THE PEOPLE SING – CELTIC 2 HIBS 0

By The Lone Gunman

CELTIC 2 Hibs 0

SPL

Sunday 11th May

Kick-off: 1230pm

CELTIC scorers – McManus 36 and McDonald 87

CELTIC (4-4-2): Boruc; Wilson, Caldwell, McManus and Naylor; Nakamura, Hartley, Robson and McGeady; McDonald (Sheridan 90) and Vennegoor of Hesselink (Samaras 78)

Subs: Mark Brown, Scott Brown, Balde, Caddis and Donati

Booked: Nakamura and Hartley

Hibernian: McNeil, Hogg, Jones, Canning, Murray, Morais, Beuzelin, Rankin, Campbell (Donaldson 70), Shiels and Fletcher

Subs: Ma-Kalambay, Kerr, O'Brien, Gathuessi, Chisholm and Nish

Booked: Hogg and Canning

Sent off: Canning and Murray

Referee: D McDonald

Celtic responded to the disgraceful events at Ipox yesterday by winning a thrilling match between Celtic and Hibs at Celtic Park 2-0 to maintain the pressure on the Mike McCurry-assisted Huns.

Headed goals from Stephen McManus and Scott McDonald, the 31st of his prolific campaign, fired the Hoops four points clear at the SPL summit and ensured the Championship challenge will go to the final day of the League season.

In what was the final appearance for the Hoops at Celtic Park this campaign, the Faithful responded enthusiastically to the Bhoys, with renditions of ‘Let The People Sing', ‘You'll Never Walk Alone' and even ‘Mike McCurry, You're A Wanker' echoing around Paradise.

Gordon Strachan recalled Stephen McManus at the expense of Bobo Balde, while Mark Wilson replaced the injured Andreas Hinkel, though it was Hibs that started the brighter in what would be a pulsating match. Artur Boruc was called on several times in the opening exchanges to deny the visitors.

Urged on by the combative, inspirational and tenacious midfield pairing of Paul Hartley and Man Of The Match Barry Robson, Celtic gradually recovered and fashioned a number of goal-scoring opportunities, though the final pass was often wayward.

Celtic also survived a nervy period midway through the first-half when passes repeatedly went astray, eventually scoring the all-important opening goal.

In the 36th minute, Shunsuke Nakamura's corner kick from Celtic's left was powered into the net by the head of Stephen McManus and Paradise erupted in celebration and relief.

CELTIC 1 Hibs 0

Just before half-time, Shunsuke Nakamura's curling free-kick cannoned off the upright, thereby denying Celtic a comfort zone.

CELTIC 1 Hibs 0 at half-time

Early in the second period, Celtic counterattacked menacingly, but Scott McDonald, sent through on goal by Nakamura's exquisite pass, squandered the opportunity. The Celtic striker rounded Hibs keeper Andy McNeil but his shot was cleared off the goal-line. The rebound came back to Skippy, but with Mark Wilson unmarked in the six-yard box, Scott McDonald blasted his second effort off Ian Murray and the chance was gone.

Shunsuke Nakamura, who became increasingly influential when switched to the left with the superb Aiden McGeady moving to the right, then forced McNeil into a diving save from a free-kick.

However, Celtic continued to squander goal-scoring chances and, as this must-win match progressed, anxiety crept in with the Bhoys and the Faithful alike fearful of a Hibs equaliser.

Artur Boruc was soon called on to make three stunning saves: from a curling free-kick; from a shot that was drilled towards the corner of Celtic's goal and from a looping effort that looked net-bound.

The tension was palpable.

But that tension was eased when Canning received a second yellow card and therefore a red as the match edged towards its conclusion, and with Hibs reduced to ten men, Celtic soon sealed the victory with a second goal.

In the 87th minute, Barry Robson's free-kick from wide on Celtic's right was flicked on by Gary Caldwell towards the back post and Scott McDonald, once again demonstrating his predatory instincts, stole in to head the ball into the net.

CELTIC 2 Hibs 0 and Scott McDonald's 31st goal of the season to ensure all three precious points remained in Paradise.

In injury time, former Hun Ian Murray was deservedly shown a straight red card for a wild lunge at the sprinting Aiden McGeady and Hibs were reduced to nine men.

After the final whistle, the Celtic squad walked around the Hallowed Turf to receive the applause of the Faithful, who must now believe and hope that the “near impossible” can yet happen and the Hoops can be crowned Champions for the third season in a row.

Celtic, currently on 86 points, lead the Huns by four points, with the Hoops having one League game remaining – against Dundee United at Tannadice on Thursday 22nd May – while the Huns have three matches remaining – against Motherwell (A), St Mirren (A) and Aberdeen (A).

If Celtic defeat Dundee United, thereby reaching 89 points, the Huns must win all three of their remaining games to surpass Celtic's tally, while it should be recorded that Celtic's Goal Difference is currently + 57 compared to the Huns' +50.

CELTIC 2 HIBEES 0

A second half header by top scorer Scott McDonald gave Celtic a 2-0 victory over Hibs today.

Captain Stephen McManus and top scorer Scott McDonald netted as Celtic beat Hibernian to stretch their lead over Rangers to four points.

Stephen McManus rose to power home a Shunsuke Nakamura corner after 36 minutes and with four minutes remaining, after Hibs defender Martin Canning was sent off after receiving the second of his two yellow cards Scott McDonald nodded home a Robson free-kick.

There was time left for Hibs defender Ian Murray to be shown a straight red card for a foul on Aiden McGeady as Celtic, who have one SPL game left against Dundee United at Tannadice, put the pressure back on Rangers who have three games remaining.

KEEP THE FAITH'S PARTISAN PREVIEW – CELTIC v Hibs

By North Sea Bhoy

As someone who is careering headlong towards middle age, I've lived through the odd occasion where the Orcs' fraternity has circled the wagons to fight their corner, if indeed you can fight a corner when you are within a circle.

The media's and football authorities' natural affinity to the Dark Side comes to the surface when their help is required to help Scotland's second biggest institution (second behind Carstairs, I assume) put Timmy back in his place.

And Mr McCurry certainly answered the Masonic Distress Call yesterday

Nothing I've seen previously has come anything close to the extraordinary events of the past couple of weeks. The Murray propaganda machine, fronted by the unholy trinity of Traynor-Young-Jackson (which sounds like an extremely dodgy getting-scumbags-off-on-a-technicality Law firm - you know the type) has been outstanding. You know when things are getting desperate for the great unwashed when they are getting lead stories in mainstream Radio and TV shows South of the border.

The more things change, the more they stay the same:

“No plan is then too futile, too absurd, or too fatuous for their adoption; the most frivolous causes will raise them to hope, or plunge them into despair.”

Benedict De Spinoza wrote these lines in 1656. He could have been talking about the Orcs today. We may be living with hope, but they live under the twin umbrella (ella, ella) of fear and doubt. Be under no illusions, they are worried, seriously worried and another three points for the Hoops at Celtic Park today will take them ever closer to the edge. That's a scary place to be.

Nothing sums up the current ‘Operation: Stop 3-in-a-row' better than yesterday's “performance” of Mike McCurry at Mordor. You all know what happened, so I'll not expand on it, but cast your mind back to the last time the Huns won the League (2005). Remember when the Ugly Ones were in a bit of trouble at Tynecastle and Hugh Dallas and his linesman Andy Davis conjured up a penalty for the big ugly Greek bloke against Hearts. Subsequent pictures showed that there wasn't a Hearts player within three yards when Kyrgiakos dived. The points won in that game decided the League.

Who's to say that yesterday's result at Ipox won't have the same effect on the SPL title this season? All that history will reflect is that the Orcs won the game against Dundee United 3-1 and the guilty party walks away scot-free. The tickets for Manchester are in the post for the Reverend McCurry.

Our own position is aptly summed up by Roman dude, Marcus Aurelius:

“Speak your truth, quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit………..the world is full of trickery; but let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.”

Gordon Strachan will probably be able to call upon his Captain Stephen McManus for this early afternoon's Celtic versus Hibs match after Mick's recent calf injury but Andreas Hinkel is, once again, struggling to make the line up because of a “knock”. Mark Wilson will step in, if required.

Scott Brown played in the midweek Reserve win over Dundee United but will probably have to settle for a place on the bench as the gaffer is unlikely to mess about with the in-form pairing of Barry Robson and Paul Hartley.

Hibs trio Nish, Beuzelin and Gathuessi are all free from suspension for the visit to Celtic Park, but full-back Kevin McCann is struggling to be fit after aggravating a knee injury in last week's 0-0 draw with the Dark Side. Merouane Zemmama remains sidelined with a broken foot, which is good because he's a bloody nuisance at times.

Games between Celtic and Hibs have been tight in recent times, but Hibs are having a pretty tough time of it on their travels at the moment with only one win out of the last six ventures away from Easter Road and we should just about squeak through this one.

A two or three goal margin wouldn't hurt the Goal Difference at all, but any sort of win takes us four points ahead of the Huns and therefore to the last day of the season still in the hunt.

A month ago, I'd have bit your hand off for that.

Celtic squad: Boruc, M Brown, Hinkel, Naylor, Caldwell, McManus, Balde, Wilson, Robson, Hartley, McGeady, S Brown, Donati, Nakamura, Vennegoor of Hesselink, McDonald, Samaras and Hutchinson.

THIS DAY IN CELTIC HISTORY – MAY 11TH

1897 Celtic finish off a wretched season (their worst so far) when a makeshift team lose 1-4 to Rangers in the Glasgow Charity Cup. It is clear that Mr.Maley, the new Secretary/Manager has a big job on his hands if he is to rebuild the Celts.

1912 Celtic, having defeated Clyde in the Scottish Cup Final this year, do the same in the Glasgow Charity Cup. This time however it is less satisfactory, for the game is a 0-0 draw but Celtic win 7-0 on "corners", the rather quaint way in which such ties are decided.

1962 Something is retrieved from a desperately awful season when the young Celtic team win the Glasgow Cup, beating Third Lanark 3-2 in the replayed Final at Parkhead with two goals from Charlie Gallagher and one from John Hughes.

1963 Celtic horrify their fans by going down 0-3 to Dundee United at Tannadice Park. This is the week after their honourable 1-1 draw against Rangers in the Scottish Cup Final, but the forward line is unrecognisable from the men who played in that game. The Scottish Cup Final Replay is on Wednesday night and it is hard to be optimistic.

1979 Celtic beat St.Mirren 2-0 at Ibrox to maintain their challenge for the Scottish League Championship. The game is played at Ibrox (as Love Street is being redeveloped) on a Friday night, and the goals are scored by George McCluskey and veteran Bobby Lennox.

1985 A miserable League season comes to an end as Celtic beat Dumbarton 2-0 at Parkhead. Brian McClair and Willie McStay score the goals but the crowd of 6,514 shows how highly Celtic fans rate these games when the League is well lost. But there is still next week's Scottish Cup Final against Dundee United to look forward to.

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10/05/2008
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HEAVEN KNOWS THEY'LL BE MISERABLE SOON
THIS DAY IN CELTIC HISTORY – MAY 10TH